Joey I miss you so much. I still feel so empty, I wonder if that will ever go away? I hope it atleast gets better. I feel so alone even though I have your sisters, grandma, Mary, Vickie & Fready. But I still feel like I am drowing and no one can hear me scream for help. How do other parents go on when they have this loss. Everyone says I have to live for my girls but I find every day just too hard. I beg for some of the pain to go away. I only wish I knew you were ok, and that you were happy. But I will never know. I can imagine you are. I think about all the firsts you would have done already and I missed. I can't understand why god would take you away from me. Joey please forgive me for not fighting harder to have you, if only I had listened to myself I would have you. If only I fought Marin you would be here. So Joey I ask for your forgiveness. I will never be able to forgive my self for everything. I could have done more, I could have fought harder. So many things could have made it possible for you to be in my arms. But you will never again be in my arms. Will I see you in Heaven will you even know me if I go to Heaven? Will I even know you? It has been  4 months and life stinks. I wish I could give your sisters a happier life, but how can I? When I am so depressed, so lonely, and confused? I want you back